Lexi Soulios - Holistic Therapist and Growth Strategist for Leaders, Blog Hero


The Unseen Cost of Up-Leveling

Graphic on a red background with golf accents, text: Connect with people who are happily becoming their best selves and will celebrate you becoming yours as well

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Whenever we’re expanding to greater success, wealth, self-respect, happiness, and so on…

…we might feel more alone than ever.

It’s a cost we bear that isn’t often talked about.

If you’ve been on a growth path for a while, you may have noticed that not all of your loved ones are able or willing to grow along with you.

And so, as a result…

~ You might begin to censor what you say around friends who seem uncomfortable with your success.

~ Or you might emotionally disconnect from your partner if he/she consistently opts for watching TV over planning with you for the future.

~ Or you might part ways with longtime clients who don’t respect your boundaries or can’t afford the new rates you need to charge.

Sometimes people we care about just can’t come with us where we want to go, which doesn’t feel very good.

And yet, we have to navigate it.

If a relationship is fairly surface-level or activity specific, we might simply drift apart from the other person or compartmentalize the connection (e.g., enjoy playing tennis together but not discuss deeper personal matters).

If a relationship is more substantial, we’ll probably want to address the issue with the person or come to terms internally about how to handle it.

In situations like these, journaling can help you determine how to move forward.

Here are some prompts you could use to tune into what’s right for you:

~ In what areas can I connect and be in intimacy with this person? Where do I need to individuate?

~ Is this relationship important enough to me that I want to talk with the person about the way I’ve been feeling? If yes, how could I approach the conversation without making assumptions and without making them wrong?

~ Is it familiar for me to have one foot in and one foot out of relationships? If yes, what is driving that pattern?

~ How could I build my confidence that I can have intimacy while speaking my truth and honoring my own needs?

~ What kinds of people and what kinds of relationships would truly nourish me?

The above can help you explore how to navigate relationships you may be outgrowing. But there’s something else for you to attend to any time you are up-leveling.

During times of growth and expansion, it’s not uncommon for old beliefs and difficult experiences from the past to re-emerge in the present…

…and that can amplify feelings of aloneness.

As you now grow towards your newest goal, any alienating or unsatisfying experiences you have with old friends and family members may reinforce deeply buried feelings of not fitting in, not being able to be fully met by others, not deserving love, etc.

You may feel you have to choose between your true self or your belonging and safety.

So, as you re-discover these places of discomfort, it’s easy to feel more vulnerable than usual. Allow yourself to receive extra support from a therapist, mentor, mastermind group, colleagues, etc.

Whenever you up-level your career or personal life, I want you to remember a few things:

1. You are deserving of living your highest and best life. It is healthy and natural, and it’s what your soul came here to do! (Plus, myself and my community are over here cheering you on! 🥳💖)

2. You need and deserve support for any tender places that emerge. Find therapists and energy workers who can help you release old patterns so you can leave the past behind and make new memories of being hugely adored while you shine your light brightly. 🌟

3. There are so many people who are as committed to their personal growth as you and who will be so excited to be a part of your life. Begin looking around for new connections who are happily becoming their best selves and will celebrate you becoming yours as well.

Lexi Soulios

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Audacious Confidence